Monday, March 24, 2014

My lifelong journey to get in shape

This is not something I usually write about but with inspiration from some friends I am close to, I'm writing this post. I've always struggled with my self image since I was at least 12 years of age. That was the point I felt like society made me feel I had to look a certain way. I remember watching television and then seeing commercials that would say, "Lose weight with this product" and then the next commercial would always be,"Eat a snickers!" These were the times that I wanted to yell at that television as crazy as it sounds and say,"Make up your mind! What do you want me to do?!" That's when the downward spiral seemed to start. I started looking in the mirror every day convincing myself that I was never pretty enough or thin enough. It came to a point that I didn't want to look in the mirror at all. This escalated into high school where I struggled with even caring what I looked like that day. I wouldn't wear make-up unless I had to or I would only wear it I at least thought, to boost my self worth.(I learned years later that self worth and self esteem are two COMPLETELY different things.) Struggling with my self image has basically been a life long struggle. Even on my mission I struggled with it but only difference was I was in walking/biking areas, so I was losing weight and getting in shape since we were supposed to exercise every morning. When I came home from my mission I was so happy because I looked good and I felt good and I had more energy. However, once I eased back into life back home and got my old job back, I eased right back into my old unhealthy eating habits. I got to a point that the dress I wore home from my mission I couldn't fit in anymore it wouldn't even zip up. This made me a bit depressed but I really did nothing about it,I gave up on even trying to exercise and I was having less and less energy throughout the day which made work always feel a lot longer then it actually was for the day.I write this now because I am in the process of losing weight to get in shape to fit in my wedding dress in 3 months and to start a healthy lifestyle. This is hard for me because I am a girl who likes candy and sweets. I crave the sugar constantly and its been EXTREMELY hard to cut out the sweets.However, I'm not perfect at it but when I slip up I just start over.Taking one day at a time by eating right,exercising and making it a point to avoid eating out or fast food as much as possible. And this hasn't been easy either. I have days I feel super depressed that I want to drown my sorrows in ice cream but I make it a point to tell myself that I want to feel better,that I want to be the healthy size I was before I went on my mission.So why am I writing this? I'm certainly not writing this to rub it in any one's face or to say my journey has been harder then someone else's journey to get in shape because it hasn't been harder then anyone else's journey,it's just me, writing MY journey that has been hard for ME throughout my life.Perhaps for others its easier or way harder then mine depending on how there life has been.My journey just happens to be something I have chosen to now become better and FINALLY feel good about myself.My fiance has always told me no matter how I may feel I look that I always look beautiful. Since I believe that I want to look beautiful for not only my fiance but for myself.I do want to say though its not about being a size 2 or 4 or 6 even, its about being comfortable in your own skin, and once you feel comfortable in your own skin you will always feel beautiful.
My before picture:
I for sure still got a ways to go but I am feeling much better about myself.
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